216. Talkin’ Jive

Octo-honky chick (tha’s Octo-woman to ya’, dude) is tryin’ t’help daughta’ Gretchen figure out how t’do some rap on de Beatitudes fo’ some presentashun at ha’ church. Lop some boogie. In so’s hangin’, ah’ realized dat mah’ rappin’ delivery be hopelessly out uh date and dat ah’ would gots’ta learn t’talk JIBE. So’s I’m practicin’ on ya’.

Whut brought dis on, be dat mah’ granddauhta’ T.T.’s, ya’d da man at church, dojiggerd Jason Santos, told da kids dat if dey’d dig deir moders t’do some rap on de Beatitudes, whicheva’ mom wins gots’ta get da kid some free pizza party-o. Slap mah fro! It’s clear dat Jason and dose kids is starved fo’ pizza. Or else dey enjoy to’turin’ deir moders.

But ya’ kin count on Octo-honky chick. She gots’ta leave no stone unturned in facin’ some challenge likes rappin’ de Beatitudes.

Previously, Octo-honky chick dought rappin’ had sump’n t’do wid de presents unda’ de Christmas tree, but far be it fum ha’ to make such some corny missnatch again. Rappin’ be hot. Man! Rappin’ be where it’s at! Rappin’ be JIBE, man. ‘S coo’, bro.

Lessee now, “Blessed is de poh’ in spirit fo’ deirs be de kin’dom uh heaven.”   Ain’t dat da waaay coo’est?

So’s it ain’t Latin or Aramaic, but cut me some slack, Buckwheat. It’s de best some honky chick who’s goin’-on-80 kin do. Yeah, Man. Here’s hopin’ on that Jesus dude havin’ some jivin’ and jumpin’ sense uh humo’.

Do ya’ dink He likes peppuh’oni?  Duz de crust gots’ta be unleavened?

Stay tuned in fo’ furda’ acshun. And pray fo’ all dose rappin’ moders. Ah’ hope dey know whut dey’re hangin’. Dey kin count on Octo-honky chick fo’ help, now dat she kin rap JIBE.  Do you dig it?

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One Response to 216. Talkin’ Jive

  1. Gretchen Covey says:

    You are so cool, mom. I look forward to rapping the beatitudes to the beat of Irish Dancing!

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