171. For Crying Out Loud

Just finished watching tonight’s installment of American Idol.  I’m wondering if the name of the show should be changed to American Cry-dol?  When the preview of the show comes on, you never have to worry about finding out ahead of time who won or lost because EVERYBODY is crying their hearts out.

As far as I can tell, you can’t get on the show unless you cry well and often.The sobbing is freely provided by losers or winners – whether they’re men, women, boys or girls, –  as well as parents, wives, children, siblings, friends, former friends, former teachers, neighbors, and passing acquaintances. And, yes, me.

As a professional cryer who weeps at all state occasions including supermarket openings and cub scout award ceremonies, I never watch the show without shedding a tear or two.  I just can’t help myself.  I get swept up in all those tears of joy or grief, or ecstasy, or agony, and I blubber right along in perfect harmony.

The one thing I have always counted on is that the master of ceremonies, the judges and the sponsors have more control and composure than the rest of us weaklings.  Tonight, I learned otherwise.

Tonight, the kind and beautiful judge, Jennifer Lopez, lost it.   Right there in front of an audience of millions, she announced that one of the contestants hadn’t been chosen for the next round, and then she broke down in sniffles, snuffles, sobs and whimpers.  It was all she could do to keep her eyelashes from sliding sideways.  The other two judges did all they could to console and support her but I was alarmed that they too would need hankies.  That would have been the final ignominy.  I was prepared to rise up from my rocker and shout, “Sirs, have you no shame?”

Disillusion is such a bitter pill.  And now I have to worry about Jennifer.  She said she “doesn’t want to do this any more”. I remember saying those very words every time I was admitted to a labor room so I feel well-qualified to advise her that “There’s no turning back now, Jennifer.”

We usually skip past the commercials, but next time I want to find out if any of the sponsors include Kleenex.  At least we can be sure they don’t have anything to cry about.

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One Response to 171. For Crying Out Loud

  1. Linda Lewis says:

    Pat, two things you just blew the cover on deep secrets about grandmas.
    First, the rite of passage to all grandmas is the instant ability to cry, even at commercials.
    Second, re “She said she “doesn’t want to do this any more”. I remember saying those very words every time I was admitted to a labor room”. Well, grandmas don’t have to. They just get babies with all the joy and love without the effort.

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