72. The Avatars Discuss Sex

In case anybody has trouble translating “avatar-talk”, below is a written script of  the conversation Chloe and Chris’s were having above.

CHLOE:  This is Octo-woman’s avatar Chloe again and I have a message for my niece, Chris Milner. Chris, regarding the comment you left on yesterday’s blob:

CHRIS MILNER: Yeah, what about it?

CHLOE: You seemed to be suggesting that Chloe is a little too sexy to be representative of your favorite aunt Patty.

CHRIS: Did I say that?  Well, I always have been precocious for my age. I just thought she might have chosen an avatar who was a little – well – older.

CHLOE: She could have chosen another, Chris.  Among us is an elderly avatar we call “Grandma”, but Octo-woman has been saving her for your mother, Joan Fitzpatrick, since she is so much older.

CHRIS:  Aha.  I’m sure mother will be thrilled.

CHLOE: And I think you should know that all the female avatars try to model themselves after Octo-woman.

CHRIS: You don’t say!

CHLOE: Yes, I do. Octo-woman has been training and programming us for many years. We feel she is the epitome of feminine pulchritude and sexuality. All of us hope someday to be as plump, stooped-over, hairless, toothless, and deaf as she is because we are striving to achieve her perfection.

CHRIS: You’re kidding.  Well, I never thought of it that way, Chloe.

CHLOE: And all of us practice for hours trying to achieve her skill at pole dancing. Have  you mastered pole dancing yet, Chris?

CHRIS: No, but I can Twist and Shout.  And I can do the tinkle dance.

CHLOE: That’s nice, Chris.  Well, one more thing.  You mentioned that you feel that you have to censor my appearances when husband Mark comes in for breakfast.

CHRIS: Yes, I did mention that.  Mark is quite bashful and impressionable. We must work together to keep him safe from mortal sin and temptation. And from the women who keep throwing themselves at him.

CHLOE: Well, let me put it this way, dear.  When Octo-woman stayed overnight at your house that time, we all remember the little number you were wearing when Mark sat down for his toast.  Octo-woman and I were a little bit embarrassed at such flagrant exposure. Mark certainly ought to be able to control himself when all he has to look at is just poor little Chloe. Especially since my body ends just below my bust line.

CHRIS:  I’m so sorry for your loss.  That explains why it seems like you’re not all there.

CHLOE: That’s all for now, dear.  I have enjoyed speaking with you.  When I learned you were a Kindergarten teacher, I was thinking you might only understand me if I said  “See Spot run”.  But I never did see a spot run so I didn’t think we would have anything to talk about.  Little did I know that all you want to talk about is sex.  Octo-woman has been conducting sex counseling sessions, and I am sure she can help you overcome your addiction.

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5 Responses to 72. The Avatars Discuss Sex

  1. Tim Fitzpatrick says:

    As a casual voyeur to this blob I have always been amused at what I find. This is the exception. Today I am greeted with lascivious music and two really hot avatars. Beyond amused I found myself really interested even titilated what with all the lingerie and talk of pole dancing. Then it dawned on me this is my aunt and my sister. Then this talk of a Joan avatar??? Now I am extremely confused and disturbed…very…very…disturbed. I can feel years of therapy unraveling.

    Dear Lord,
    As I lay between these sheets, I pray the avatars do cease. Aunt and sister are the bomb, Please dear lord, tomorrow, NOT MY MOM!! Amen

  2. Chris Milner says:

    … ummm …ahhh …ummm …ahhh …I got nothin’!!

  3. Josie says:

    this was one of the weirdest things i’ve seen in while…. hahahaha

  4. Rene' Melchior says:

    Slightly distressed, at the above conversation, on several levels. If my mom gets an avitar I want one too! I think every woman should have a place to chose her looks, can’t take as long as make up and surgury. My other concern is that Patty’s avitar looks a little like my daughter JoLee. This is disturbing talk coming from someone that looks like my daughter. Where can I make my avitar?

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