In case anybody has trouble translating “avatar-talk”, below is a written script of the conversation Chloe and Chris’s were having above.
CHLOE: This is Octo-woman’s avatar Chloe again and I have a message for my niece, Chris Milner. Chris, regarding the comment you left on yesterday’s blob:
CHRIS MILNER: Yeah, what about it?
CHLOE: You seemed to be suggesting that Chloe is a little too sexy to be representative of your favorite aunt Patty.
CHRIS: Did I say that? Well, I always have been precocious for my age. I just thought she might have chosen an avatar who was a little – well – older.
CHLOE: She could have chosen another, Chris. Among us is an elderly avatar we call “Grandma”, but Octo-woman has been saving her for your mother, Joan Fitzpatrick, since she is so much older.
CHRIS: Aha. I’m sure mother will be thrilled.
CHLOE: And I think you should know that all the female avatars try to model themselves after Octo-woman.
CHRIS: You don’t say!
CHLOE: Yes, I do. Octo-woman has been training and programming us for many years. We feel she is the epitome of feminine pulchritude and sexuality. All of us hope someday to be as plump, stooped-over, hairless, toothless, and deaf as she is because we are striving to achieve her perfection.
CHRIS: You’re kidding. Well, I never thought of it that way, Chloe.
CHLOE: And all of us practice for hours trying to achieve her skill at pole dancing. Have you mastered pole dancing yet, Chris?
CHRIS: No, but I can Twist and Shout. And I can do the tinkle dance.
CHLOE: That’s nice, Chris. Well, one more thing. You mentioned that you feel that you have to censor my appearances when husband Mark comes in for breakfast.
CHRIS: Yes, I did mention that. Mark is quite bashful and impressionable. We must work together to keep him safe from mortal sin and temptation. And from the women who keep throwing themselves at him.
CHLOE: Well, let me put it this way, dear. When Octo-woman stayed overnight at your house that time, we all remember the little number you were wearing when Mark sat down for his toast. Octo-woman and I were a little bit embarrassed at such flagrant exposure. Mark certainly ought to be able to control himself when all he has to look at is just poor little Chloe. Especially since my body ends just below my bust line.
CHRIS: I’m so sorry for your loss. That explains why it seems like you’re not all there.
CHLOE: That’s all for now, dear. I have enjoyed speaking with you. When I learned you were a Kindergarten teacher, I was thinking you might only understand me if I said “See Spot run”. But I never did see a spot run so I didn’t think we would have anything to talk about. Little did I know that all you want to talk about is sex. Octo-woman has been conducting sex counseling sessions, and I am sure she can help you overcome your addiction.