42. Pig Latin

At one time, I used to think that Barbie dolls were well-educated.  After all, Barbie has had 126 careers so far.  Surgeon, astronaut, journalist, computer engineer, Air Force pilot – and on and on.  Listen, without advanced degrees, they won’t even look at your resume, right? Wrong.  We don’t even want to know how Barbie has been getting her next gig.

When granddaughters Elizabeth and Gretchen were in grade school, they learned Pig Latin fluently and tried to teach it to their Barbie dolls. It should have been a breeze.  Anybody can learn Pig Latin.  They thought.

 

 

In case you don’t speak Pig Latin or need a booster shot, here’s a quick tutorial.

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Most words in Pig Latin end in “ay.” Use the rules below to translate normal English into Pig Latin.

1. If a word starts with a consonant and a vowel, put the first letter of the word at the end of the word and add “ay.”

Example: Happy = appyh + ay = appyhay

2. If a word starts with two consonants move the two consonants to the end of the word and add “ay.”

Example: Child = ildch + ay = ildchay

3. If a word starts with a vowel add the word “way” at the end of the word.

Example: Awesome = Awesome +way = Awesomeway

Putting It All Together

The sentence “Pig Latin is not hard to speak.” is written below in Pig Latin:

Igpay Atinlay isway otnay ardhay otay eakspay.

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So, that’s it.  Elizabeth and Gretchen used to rattle it off like a couple of Pig Latin pros but when they tried to teach it to their Barbies, the conversation would go something like this:

Elizabeth:  “IHay arbieBay.  atWhay illway ouyay ebay earingway odaytay?
(Hi, Barbie. What will you be wearing today?)

Barbie:  (Silence)

Gretchen:  Arbiebay, eway areay onderingway atwhay ouyay illway earway odaytay?

(Barbie, we are wondering what you will wear today.)

Barbie: (Silence)

Elizabeth:  aybeMay ouyay ouldshay earway ouryay alvinCay einKlay eansjay odaytay?
(Maybe you can wear your Calvin Klein jeans today.)

Barbie:  (Silence)

Gretchen:  esYay. ifay ouyay earway ouray eansjay, erhapspay, ouyay ancay alkway ouray ogay, IppiPay odaytay.

(Yes. If you wear your jeans, perhaps you can walk our dog, Pippi, today.)

Barbie:  (Silence)

Elizabeth: ou’llYay enjoyway alkingway ippiPay, arbieBay.

(You’ll enjoy walking Pippi, Barbie.)

Gretchen:  esYay.  esYay, ippiPay eemssay otay ebay interestedway inway ouyay.

Yes, Pippi seems to be interested in you.

Barbie: NO WAY!  NOT ON YOUR COTTON-PICKEN LIFE!  GET THAT @#$%^&* FLEA-BITTEN MUTT AWAY FROM ME.

Elizabeth and Gretchen sat in stunned silence for a minute.  They were shocked and horrified that Barbie would so cruelly hurt Pippi’s feelings.  Finally they whispered a few words to Pippi to make her feel better.

Gretchen: ippiPay. arbieBay idn’tday owknay atwhay eshay asway ayingsay.
(Pippi, Barbie didn’t know what she was saying.)

Elizabeth: e’sShay ustjay upsetway ecausebay eshay adhay away ightfay ithway enKay.
(She’s just upset because she had a fight with Ken.)

Gretchen: eyThay  areway eakingbray upway, ouyay owknay.
(They’re breaking up, you know.)

Elizabeth:  Andway ouyay areway otNay away ea-bittenflay uttmay.
(And you are not a flea-bitten mutt.)

Gretchen:  ellWay, actuallyway, e’veway eenbay eaningmay otay alktay otay ouyay aboutway atthay, ippiPay.
(Well, actually, we’ve been meaning to talk to you about that, Pippi.)

With that, the girls packed up their school books and lunches and headed for school.

When they came home, Pippi was parked on the couch.  Surrounding her was every Barbie doll she was able to get her paws on.  Massacred. Arms, legs, blonde heads, wearing apparel all over the room.  It was not a pretty sight.

 

 

The girls gazed in horror at the mayhem as Pippi said:

“ow-wowBay. atThay umbday ondeblay askedway orfay itway.”
(Bow-wow.  That dumb blonde asked for it.)

This is a true story, I’m not making it up.

And now if you want to improve your Pig Latin fluency and would like to prove you’re smarter than Barbie, watch this tutorial.


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3 Responses to 42. Pig Latin

  1. susy says:

    That really is a true story. Pippi would tear off their hears and rip off all their fingers and toes. I thought Pippi was possessed but now Octo-woman has cleared up that mystery for me!

    Susy

  2. Elizabeth says:

    It’s too bad those hospital shows like ER weren’t around yet, because we could have been inspired to turn that into an awesome Barbie ER episode! There were way too many Pippy massacres back in those days. Mostly Barbie related, but there was also some My Little Pony collateral damage.

  3. Linda Lewis says:

    And all those Barbies that ended up with short hair because sibblings got mad. Kids just knew how to get to a Barbie ‘Mom’ if they wanted to. We never had pets, so I’m glad you had pix to show the ‘murder’ scene. And, thank you for fully explaining Pig Latin. I finally ‘get it’.

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